Oh, King Kai!
by Wisteria22
Summary: A collection of short stories and one-shots all revolving around humor that King Kai would enjoy. Stories feature: King Kai's Test, How Mr. Satan defeated Cell, Google Fight, and more!
1. King Kai's Test

_To train with King Kai you must tell a funny joke, but do we ever see how Piccolo, Tien, Yamcha, and Chaotzu fair with this task?_

* * *

 **YAMCHA THE BANDIT**

"To train with me you must pass the ultimate test," King Kai paused. "No matter how strong you are, this task will be a challenge for you unlike any other."

King Kai looked at each potential student in the eye, hoping to catch a glimpse of fear. Piccolo stood straight, looking at King Kai with an intrigued expression. Tien's face showed no emotion as he mentally prepared for what he thought would be a perilous battle. Chaotzu twiddled his thumbs and looked at Tien for guidance, if the china doll look alike trusted anyone; it was the giant with three eyes. Yamcha had a cocky grin on his face, by his eyes held the truth. On the inside the scar faced warrior was feeling nervous, perhaps even scared.

King Kai let an amused smile hover on his face for only a second before he was back to business, with a serious expression.

"Well? Get on with it!" Piccolo impatiently yelled.

The blue cat fish replica known as King Kai sighed at his future student's 't he let a Kai have some fun every now in then? _Apparently not_ , King Kai realized as Piccolo began to tap his foot.

"To pass my test, and therefore become one of my students, you must," King Kai paused dramatically as the dead Z fighters caught his each and every word, "Tell a joke that will make me laugh! But before you say I didn't warn you, I must say that I have a selective sense of humor."

Piccolo started spluttering like Vegeta had just pronounced that Goku was his one and only love, and that the only reason he assisted in killing some of Goku's friends was because he was jealous. Yamcha looked like Bulma had told him she used to be a man named Bulam. Tien looked like Launch had appeared with some handcuffs and a platter of pancakes shaped like Mickey Mouse. Chaotzu looked like he had won the _Miss_ Japan beauty Pageant with flying colors and was receiving an all expense free vacation to Hawaii.

"Who's first?" King Kai asked the four shocked and quite dead Z fighters.

The gears grinding slowly inside of Yamcha's head were visibly turning as he mentally opened up his manilla _Jokes_ folder. After a minute or two of careful consideration, Yamcha strutted on up next to King Kai and pointed his thumb at his own chest.

"I, The Brave, Magnificent, Fearless, Just, Honest, Wise, Noble, Chivalrous, Kind, Helpful, Considerate, and Honorable Yamcha of Earth shall go first!" Yamcha proclaimed.

King Kai turned to face the former desert bandit as a smile grew on his face. With each word Yamcha said, King Kai's cheeks went higher and higher until he just couldn't take it anymore.

"BAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S A GOOD ONE! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD IT IN YOU!" King Kai exclaimed.

"Wha-what? That's a good one? I didn't tell my joke yet!" Yamcha complained.

"Wait…..You were serious?" King Kai clarified, not believing that someone could say something that funny by accident. He clearly had not met or heard of the beloved desert bandit/baseball star called Yamcha.

Yamcha's cheeks were a brighter red than the aura from Goku's Kaioken technique and Bulma's awful red scarlet dress combined. Poor Yamcha had just come to the realization that King Kai thought he was _joking_ about all of the excellent traits that had attracted so many females.

First, a Saibamen self destructed, killing him right after he was on a roll. Then he's the _last_ person to make it to King Kai's, even though he was the first to die. But what really took the cake was the King Kai thought his monologue was a JOKE! Today was certainly not his lucky day…

* * *

 **PICCOLO, MA JUNIOR**

While Yamcha the Bandit was off pouting in a corner, King Kai was finally calming down from his laughter fit. He had been laughing for twelve hours straight. How exactly the Z fighters came to that conclusion wasn't all too much of a mystery. Chaotzu had been practicing his math skills by counting each second, minute, and hour on a pad of paper he found in King Kai's house. Chaotzu knew that if somehow he could show his beloved teacher, Mrs. Hatechildren, she would be very proud.

But as all laughter fits have to end, King Kai's was no exception. Regaining a serious mask, the blue Kai stood up from the ground and brushed the grass off of himself in the most dignified way possible. Eying the three remaining potential pupils, he wondered which one would be _brave_ enough to take his test next. After all, it was the very test that reduced Yamcha to behaving like a four year old who didn't get what he wanted for his birthday.

"Now that Yamcha has _accidentally_ passed my ultimate test, who would like to go next?" King Kai asked the three dead warriors.

Silence, complete and utter silence rang throughout the small planet. It was so quiet that it actually made Piccolo's ears hurt. After all he _had_ spent six months with a talkative four year old.

"Right," King Kai said. "Since none of you show any desire to volunteer I must bring out… _The Wheel._ "

Everyone's attention was focused on King Kai again, as it should've been in the first place. _What was 'The Wheel?'_ Piccolo pondered. In all his years he had NEVER heard anything like it. Chaotzu knew what a wheel was, since the other students tied him to one and spinned and spinned and spinned and spinned….. But he couldn't understand why King Kai would want to tie him to one. Tien was _very_ nervous since he was the one who had to pull Chaotzu off of the wheel. He never understood how the duck tape the other students used could withstand a tri beam with every bit of ki he had. Ah, the wonders of duck tape!

"Gregory! Bring out _The Wheel!_ " King Kai shouted to the heavens, or in his case, his home.

The tough little cricket saluted King Kai and vowed to sacrifice his life if needed, on this bold and dangerous task. After Tien and Chaotzu had finished five staring contests and Chaotzu was declared the winner, Gregory finally returned with _The Wheel._ Somehow, he was able to pull it, despite that fact that he was the size of a fly in comparison to it.

It was pink, fluffy, and radiated _cuteness_. It looked like something Hello Kitty would use, not something that King Kai of the North Quadrant would ever _dream_ of even owning. It was divided into three sections where there were crude drawings of a bald Barbie doll, a gecko, and an alien from Ben Ten.

"Thank you Gregory, now I will spin _The Wheel_ to decide who goes first," King Kai announced.

Right after overcoming the shock of the very girly wheel, the three dead fighters realized that the hideous pictures were of _them_. The bald Barbie doll, Piccolo realized was supposed to be _Chaotzu._ The alien from Ben Ten was a sad attempt of recreating _Tien._ And the most horrifying of all was that the Gecko was _Piccolo_ himself.

King Kai approached _The Wheel_ and grabbed the plush, soft, and fuzzy purple handle and spun as hard as he could. Round and round and round _The Wheel_ spun, never slowing down at all, never ceasing in its attempt to make whoever watched it very, very dizzy.

Eventually Piccolo had enough of this foolishness. He wanted to train so he could become stronger than Vegeta, so he raised his arm and sent a ki blast at the wheel. Expecting for it to stop spinning immediately, Piccolo smirked smugly at King Kai. It seemed to everyone as if the world started to move in slow motion as the ki blast grew closer and closer to the wheel…..

It hit the wheel dead on.

But alas, King Kai spent good money for that wheel and wouldn't want anyone to damage it accidentally while they trained. So he had an _extra thick_ layer of pink duck tape to cover _The Wheel_ , making him the only one without an amazed expression on their face as the ki blast rebounded off of _The Wheel_ …

And hit Yamcha in the eye, rendering him unconscious.

Not bothering to wait for the dead fighters to come to their senses, King Kai mentally made the decision of who would take the test next.

"Now, since you ever so kindly tried to destroy _The Wheel_ , you will be taking the test next," King Kai added, "Piccolo."

Piccolo smirked at King Kai and closed his eyes in concentration. King Kai raised an eyebrow at this odd behavior and decided to put a stop to it.

"Well? What are you waiting for?" King Kai complained.

Opening his eyes, Piccolo took a deep breath as he recalled some of the jokes that Gohan had told him. Sure, they seemed stupid at the time but right now they came in handy. Piccolo made a mental note to 'thank' Gohan with a curt nod in his direction next time he saw him.

"What did the digital clock say to the Grandfather clock?" Piccolo asked.

"I don't know," King Kai said, intrigued with the punch line to this odd joke.

"Look Grandpa! No Hands!" Piccolo said in his usual monotone.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! NO HANDS! THAT'S HILARIOUS!" King Kai yelled.

Wanting to hear more of Piccolo's _ingenious_ jokes, King Kai crafted a very tricky plan. No one had ever told him about karma, and if they did, he wouldn't listen to them.

"But since you tried to break my wheel you have to tell me three jokes instead of one!" The Blue Kai smirked at Piccolo, waiting for his 'treats'.

Piccolo, uncharacteristically, rolled his eyes at the Kai, "What lights up a soccer stadium?" Piccolo asked.

"TELL ME!" King Kai demanded.

"A soccer match," Piccolo answered lazily.

"HAHAHAHAHA! A SOCCER MATCH! THAT'S GOLDEN!" King Kai exclaimed like a little girl.

"Why was the little strawberry crying?" Piccolo asked, making it _very_ clear that he was bored out of his mind.

"TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME!" King Kai said.

"His parents were in a jam," Piccolo responded.

"HAHAHAHAHA! YOU'VE PASSED MY TEST! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" King Kai screamed as he rolled on the ground, clutching his stomach as if each laugh hurt him.

"And you call yourself a Kai," Piccolo said in disgust as he walked away to meditate. _It seems anyone can become a Kai nowadays_ , he thought to himself.

* * *

 **TIEN SHINHAN, "THREE EYES"**

King Kai forced himself to concentrate as Piccolo began to meditate, he couldn't just demand jokes all day. He had to keep it nice and balanced, one after breakfast and one before bed would do the trick. And three during training…and seven while waiting for the food to finish…

He was one happy Kai.

"Now then, we only have Tien and Doll Face left to take the test," King Kai said.

"HEY! My name is Chaotzu!" The little man protested.

Sashaying forward, Chaotzu floated up to King Kai's height and whispered seductively in his ear, like a Greek Siren. "But you can call me doll face anytime you like…."

The next thing King Kai knew he was lying on the ground with Chaotzu and Tien staring at him oddly. Tien offered him his hand and pulled him up to his feet, checking him for any signs of illness.

"King Kai? Are you all right?" Tien asked his face full of concern.

Realizing that he had been hallucinating, King Kai shook his head to clear it of his perverted thoughts. "BAD King Kai, VERY BAD King Kai," he repeated to himself until he had reclaimed the nerve to look his possible students in the eyes.

"Where were we?" King Kai mumbled, still feeling a little dazed.

"You just said 'Now then, we only have Tien and Chaotzu left to take the test'," Gregory reported perfectly.

 _Good,_ King Kai thought, _how embarrassing it would be if I actually called Do- I mean Chaotzu that._ Recovering from his mental bluff, King Kai turned to the floating cricket to give him the proper instructions.

"Now Gregory, I really would like to use _The Wheel_ but we have it set up for three people right now….." King Kai informed his subject.

Nodding in understanding, the little cricket flew off to grab the necessary supplies. He pulled a piece of bark off of a tree, a little bit of the still unconscious Yamcha's hair, and some of the paint for King Kai's new car. Voila! Gregory the grasshopper had made a beautiful paint brush for _The Wheel_.

Without even stopping to admire his creation, Gregory flew over to the wheel and inspected the Gecko A.K.A. Piccolo drawing. Humming to himself as he worked, red paint was slathered on the brush and painted onto The Wheel. About three minutes later the little insect tossed aside his brush which went flying near the house.

It was just Yamcha's luck that he just began to wake up, he felt like someone was preparing to perform a ki blast in the face. The poor desert bandit did not know how right he was, as he turned his head at a perfect 45 degree angle. Yamcha was promptly stuck in the face by Gregory's paint brush, and he fell unconscious once more. This time, his hair was a lovely shade of red that complimented his purple and yellow bruises quite nicely.

Poor, poor Yamcha. Did he ever even have a lucky day?

Gregory stepped, or floated, away from _The Wheel_ and King Kai was able to inspect his work. It still had a bald Barbie doll and a Ben Ten alien, but the Piccolo/Gecko had a red eye in the middle and a HUGE grin. Everyone, especially Tien, sweated nervously when they saw how Gregory had 'fixed' _The Wheel_.

"Thank you Gregory, Now let's FINALLY spin _The Wheel_!" King Kai exclaimed happily.

"WHAT!" Tien yelled.

"Whats the problem? _The Wheel_ now has only two contestants on it instead of three!" King Kai stated.

"The problem is that two out of three possible outcomes are me!" Tien intelligently protested.

"So?" King Kai asked the bald three eyed warrior.

King Kai walked up to _The Wheel_ despite the protests coming from Tien. Others in Chaotzu's position might have encouraged King Kai to spin the wheel but the small warrior didn't have the capability to be mean to Tien. Tien _was_ the one who ordered the Meat Lover's pizza each Thursday so Chaotzu had to have his priorities straight, after all the golden rule was 'pizza before Martial Arts training.' Mrs. Hatechildren would be very impressed with him!

King Kai grabbed the still fluffy pink handle and spun _The Wheel._ It spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun…..

Three days later and _The Wheel_ finally stopped, and it seemed some of Yamcha's luck had transferred to Tien. It was pointing at the former Gecko/ Piccolo. Tien was up next.

"All right, Tien. I am ready for my joke," King Kai said in a haughty tone, he _had_ gone three days without a chuckle and was _very_ ready to hear a joke.

Tien tried to take a deep breath but instead took several shallow ones. He had Goosebumps on his arms from Gary the Goose pecking him a majority of the time _The Wheel_ had spun. Piccolo had gotten annoyed with noise and….well…..Gary had a very lovely funeral scheduled for next week…

Tien decided that he would have to go old school, v _ery_ old school.

"Why did the rooster cross the road?" Tien asked.

"I don't know," King Kai admitted

"To get to the other side!" Tien yelled to all who could hear.

Unlike Tien and everyone else had expected, King Kai did not find this funny at all. In fact, he yawned at Tien, showing that his sense of humor had been slightly underestimated.

"Knock, knock," Tien tried again.

"Who's there?" King Kai asked.

"Boo," Tien answered.

"Boo _who_?" King Kai said.

"Why are you crying?" Tien asked.

"I'm not crying!" King Kai protested.

"AGH!" Tien screamed as he pulled his non-existent hair out. "I'm going to have to use the big guns!"

"I'm waiting..." King Kai said in a sing song voice.

"There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead," Tien began, catching everyone's attention. "They were stranded on a desert island when they found a genie who would give them each one wish."

"Why not Shenrong? He grants wishes!" Chaotzu pointed out.

"Because I said it was a ge _nie_ ," Tien continued, "The brunette wished for food because you can't survive without food. The redhead wished for water because you need water to live. The blonde wished for a car door that way she could roll down the window when it gets hot!"

"That was amusing," King Kai chuckled. "Not the best humor I've ever heard but it will have to do, you passed."

Tien's eyes widened when one of the most popular jokes of all time was deemed _amusing_ by King Kai. Shaking his head in disbelief, Tien walked over to a tree and banged his head against it until it fell over….

…and crushed Yamcha.

* * *

 **CHAOTZU, "CHINA DOLL"**

The day had finally come…..and passed. Another day had come…..and that one passed too….. The sun rose in the sky…and then it set. This time the sun was determined to hang in the sky, it wasn't coming down any time soon. Not even the wrath of Son ChiChi, Bulma Briefs, and Prince Vegeta _combined_ could make that sun set. Bulma would know, she _had_ tried several times and she didn't even come close.

But now was not the time to convince the sun that it was okay to set, now was the time for Chaotzu to take his test. Now, Chaotzu went to school whenever he could and it was a surprising amount given his career as a Z fighter. He considered himself to be a teacher's pet since Mrs. Irene Hatechildren had never chucked books, desks, chairs, microscopes, and the occasional student at his head.

But Chaotzu knew some things that Mrs. Hatechildren found funny but didn't understand why. He didn't get why King Kai found some of the jokes funny when he didn't understand him. W _hy does it matter what people's hair color was anyway?_ So, the china doll look alike thought that King Kai would find the same things funny that Mrs. Hatechildren did.

"You ready, Chaotzu?" King Kai asked.

Chaotzu replied, "uh huh! Mrs. Hatechildren thought this was funny so I think you will too, King Kai."

"All right, let's begin," King Kai said eagerly.

"It was April fool's day and Mrs. Hatechildren had her boyfriend, Mr. Dislikekids, tell the class a story," Chaotzu began.

"I thought you said she was a misses?" Yamcha said, holding ice to the various bruises on his face.

"She's married to Mr. Hatechildren," Chaotzu said nonchalantly, like it didn't matter that his teacher was cheating on her husband.

Yamcha's eyes widened to the point that the bruise on his forehead was underneath his bangs. It was an impressive feat.

"So Mr. Dislikekids turned off the lights and got this weird smile on his face," Chaotzu said. "It really scared us. So he said: Years ago there was a girl named Evelyn and a boy named Michael. Evelyn and Michael were on a date when they turned on the radio. On the news was a report of a man with an escaped mental patient with violent tendencies who had a hook for a hand. The couple kept on driving when they heard a _tap_ on the car windshield. Michael hit the gas but it was too late, the man was inside the car. Those teens were never seen again, but on April fool's day every year, he looks for people named Michael and Evelyn to add to his collection."

 _What kind of psychopath thought this was humor?_ Yamcha wondered.

"Then Mr. Dislikekids pointed at Evelyn Addams and screamed. Then she started shaking and crying on Michelle Andrew's shoulder and the entire time Mrs. Hatechildren was laughing her head off," Chaotzu finished.

"Your teacher thought this was funny?" Yamcha asked.

"Yeah, she was laughing so hard she started bleeding," Chaotzu said.

"Chaotzu, is there another teacher we can transfer you to?" Tien mumbled.

"Mr. Despiseyoungsters," Chaotzu answered.

"Hey! He was my high school teacher when Bulma made me go to school!" Yamcha exclaimed proudly.

"No wonder you're the way you are," Piccolo muttered contemptuously.

"What do you mean?" Yamcha questioned.

Not wanting to deal with the former desert bandit any longer, Piccolo powered up a VERY small ki blast and released it….

….knocking Yamcha out once more.

"Why don't you tell me something you find funny?" King Kai asked Chaotzu in a sweet and gentle tone.

Chaotzu's face lit up at the idea that King Kai would let him tell jokes _he_ found funny! It was like Christmas had come early!

Chaotzu took a big, deep breath and opened the flood gate known as his mouth, "Why did the cookie go to the doctor?"

Not waiting for a response, Chaotzu blurted, "He was feeling crummy!"

King Kai started to chuckle but was interrupted by Chaotzu, "What are fishes favorite subjects? Fishics and Fishial Eductation!"

"What does a T-Rex think about school?" Chaotzu paused slightly, "its rooaaaaaaaaaaariiiiiiiing!"

"Okay! Okay! You passed!" King Kai said, gasping for breath

Not hearing the Kai because he was off in his own little world, Chaotzu continued, "What happens when an egg laughs? It cracks up!"

"STOP, YOUR'E KILLING ME!" King Kai yelled, shaking with uncontrollable laughter.

"Why did the cow go to the theater? It wanted to see a mooovie!" Chaotzu said.

"PLEASE! HAVE MERCY!" King Kai screamed, grinning widely.

"What do you do when your nose in on strike? Picket!" Chaotzu announced.

The jokes got cornier with each second that passed on the small world of the Kais. Poor King Kai, he should _never_ have told Chaotzu to tell a joke.

"Why shouldn't you play poker in the jungle? There are too many c _heetahs_!"


	2. Google Fight

**GOOGLE FIGHT**

Vegeta could find nothing to do. The Gravity Room was broken, the woman was at some conference, and Chibi Trunks was hanging out with Kakabrat number two. He could fix the Gravity Room himself, but he was down to one pair of white gloves. He didn't want to get them ruined before they had even been in a _real_ fight. Each pair of his gloves looked forward to their first, and sometimes last, battle. He wasn't so cruel as to deny them that sacred rite of passage, unlike popular belief.

Vegeta wandered around the house until he saw that Trunks had once again left his laptop running. He hated the little contraptions. Their constant buzzing drove his keen Saiyan senses crazy and they weren't nearly as useful as a scouter. How Chibi Trunks could stand it was a mystery to the Saiyan Prince.

Wondering if maybe there was some secret on the screen to rendering the buzzing sound useless, Vegeta sat down on the couch and pulled the laptop onto his lap.

 _Google fight: Make a fight with Google Fight!_ was displayed on the top of the screen. This caught the proud Saiyan's attention. The woman had told him that human's _frowned_ upon fighting. Clearly, this site meant that there was some that did it for entertainment!

Maybe not all Humans were weirdos…Perhaps a few had some sense!

Vegeta looked at the last keywords Trunks had typed in: Mr. Satan and Cell. Finding his son's antics amusing, Vegeta scrolled the mouse over the blue _Make a Fight!_ button. After some stick figures punching and kicking, one of them roundhouse kicked the other off of the screen. Then, two status bars appeared with _Mr. Satan_ and _Cell_ written on each one. They went up and up until the Mr. Satan bar stopped at 1,160,000 results and the Cell bar continued on to 70,900,000,000 results.

"Even a computer knows what really happened," Vegeta commented to himself with a chuckle.

Vegeta decided that he would see what else the computer knew about power levels. So he quickly deleted Mr. Satan and Cell, replacing them with _Son Gohan_ and _Son_ _ChiChi_. Vegeta watched the stick figures fight with anticipation. He wanted to know which would win in a 'fight'. After the bars appeared, Son ChiChi went up to 4,190,000 results while the Son Gohan bar only went up to 365,000 results.

"Serves the brat right!" Vegeta grinned. "Beaten by a simple Earth woman!"

Wanting to see more outcomes of members from their groups, Vegeta entered in _King Kai_ and _Yamcha_. Surprisingly, Yamcha beat King Kai with 15,400 results to King Kai's 14,300 results.

He'd have to change that. It was ridiculous that Yamcha could beat _anyone._

Vegeta then entered in the two names that never got to finish their fight, hoping that the outcome was the one he had wanted for so long.

 _Vegeta_ and _Kakarot_.

It was no contest, as the husband of Bulma Briefs. The humans were dying to find out information on him. _Where did he work? Who was his family? Why did he date Bulma Briefs? How did he get his hair to stick up like that?_

Silly things like that.

Vegeta: 14,500,090 results

Kakarot: 230,000 results.

He had won. He had finally beat Kakarot. Punching his fist into the air, Vegeta grinned down at the strange little machine.

"I see why Trunks likes this," Vegeta grinned approvingly.


	3. Mr Satan Told the Truth?

_What if Mr. Satan really had defeated tell? Could he be telling the truth?_

* * *

 **MR SATAN TOLD THE TRUTH?**

The Z fighters, cheating _freaks_ as Mr. Satan called them, had left the battle field about half an hour ago. The Delivery Boy had gone with them while mumbling something about dragon balls. He didn't even bother trying to comprehend it-it was beyond understanding.

Hercule Satan, champion of the world, saw the still landscape offering him the opportunity to escape. He slowly crawled out from behind the rock, shielding him during the fight. Mr. Satan walked like he was in an active mine field, a rather pressure sensitive one at that. In five minutes he had covered five feet, in ten minutes seven, in fifteen minutes eleven.

In twenty minutes, Mr. Satan heard a groan. Dismissing it for an overly active imagination, the champ continued onward. After all, Cell can't come back from the dead twice, Mr. Satan reasoned.

Five minutes later he had covered a little over sixteen feet, when he heard another noise. This time it was a moan. Calming himself down, Mr. Satan recovered from his near heart attack and trudged onward once more. It was an hour after the _freaks_ had left that the brave Mr. Satan had finally made it halfway to his helicopter capsule. Forgetting where he was and what he was doing, Mr. Satan began jumping for joy and doing some ridiculous poses.

"OH YEAH! IM DA CHAMP! I'M NUMBER ONE!" Mr. Satan yelled to a non-existent crowd.

No one applauded for him, sadly.

Mr. Satan then noticed a shadow in front of him, after a quick observation he found that it was not his own. Spinning faster than the average human could without possibly killing themselves, Mr. Satan spotted the owner of the shadow. Laying down next to some security capsules was the one and only, _Cell_.

Taking a deep breath he prepared to hightail it out of there, until he noticed something. Something crucial and very peculiar, something that he, the great Mr. Satan, only had the privilege of seeing _once_ in his lifetime. That something brought the confidence back to his ego, vanquished the shakiness in his hands and knees, and replaced the look of horror on his face with a cocky grin.

Cell was mortally wounded.

Mr. Satan walked up to the beast that had murdered thousands of humans without a single bit of remorse. Mr. Satan was right in assuming that the only regrets Cell had was not killing them all in the first place.

The once cowardly fighter turned his walk into a strut as he gazed upon the dying form of Cell.

"You can't….. kill me, I'll… regenerate if you… try," Cell wagered. "I did…it once…..I'll…..do it…..again."

Mr. Satan became worried for a moment. He had no bombs. He didn't have anything capable of vaporizing Cell. Mr. Satan looked around, hoping that one of the mysterious fighters would show up with a method to destroy Cell once and for all.

Unfortunately for Mr. Satan, yet fortunately for Cell, none of the Z fighters showed up to assist the champ in this fight. Not even his afro would be willing to help Mr. Satan out, leaving him all alone. He decided that he would finally use his brains instead of his brawn, something he had not done since primary school.

Spying the security capsules by his foot, he bent over and picked them up. Cell's eyes followed his movements like a watchdog, never failing in his task. Looking at the labels, Mr. Satan regained hope for destroying Cell. Clicking the top of the capsule, he threw it up in the air and waited for the non-toxic smoke to clear.

Falling from the smoke, the large blaster was caught in the waiting champ's rough hands. Examining the controls he nodded in understanding, not even noticing the wide eyed looks Cell was giving him. Aiming the blaster, he began to count down from ten. He began to count down to Cell's destruction.

 _Three...two...one..._

 _BOOM!_

Mr. Satan was thrown backwards from the force of the blast. His eyes shut themselves to save them from the brilliant light. When his feet once again regained their hold on solid ground, Mr. Satan opened his eyes.

If the arena had been in good condition before, this was ten times worse. However, since it wasn't particularly beautiful in the first place, it had only became more destroyed. There were scorch marks on the walls from the heat of the blast, indentations of where he had been standing. The most noticeable change was that he was the only one there. Mr. Satan was all alone.

Realizing what had happened, Mr. Satan chuckled to himself.

"That's what you get for messing with the champ!"


	4. The Real Reason We Have Super Saiyans

**THE REAL REASON WE HAVE SUPER SAIYANS**

"Okay, people we have five minutes before we go live!" Mr. Bigshot said to his team.

Nera Vous squeaked. "Someone should check the artist's drawings! We don't want to have to drag out the fight scenes again!"

The head artist sighed and began shuffling through the many papers. _Freiza pummeling people….check, more Freiza pummeling people…..check, Freiza taking a coffee break….weird….check. Vegeta crying…check... Krillen cross dressing….check...Random Frog dancing…..check._

"Set A is fine," The head artist said, handing the papers over to Mr. Bigshot.

"Thank you, Artist…" Mr. Bigshot said, putting the crude drawings away in his big black briefcase.

"Head Artist," The head artist informed.

"Why don't we get real names?" Artist B complained, "My name used to be Dende!"

Mr. Bigshot rolled his eyes underneath his black lenses, as if to say _that's exactly why we changed them!_

"Artist Q, tell Artist B why we changed them," Mr. Bigshot ordered with a snap of his fingers.

Artist Q sighed and prepared to rattle off their department's slogan. He really wished he had read the fine print on that contract, but what was he going to do? Go get the government involved? They might change his name to something worse!

"Our names are changed and given to the characters so they are more real. As the artists, we don't matter," Artist Q said in a monotone.

He missed his old name, _Vegeta_. It was odd, unusual, and came with tones of nicknames. Now people called him _Qwerty_.

Poor Artist Q, he wasn't even aware that it was illegal to force someone to change their name.

"Why does Nera Vous get a name?" Artist B protested. "If she gets a name, I want a real name!"

"She read the contract and got a lawyer unlike you yahoos! Now go check set B!" Mr. Bigshot ordered. "And get me some coffee!"

The head artist sighed and looked through the papers until she caught something. Someone had run out of black ink when drawing Goku's hair and eyes and hadn't bothered to fix it. They couldn't have a bald, eyeless warrior! They'd be kicked out of Cartoon Network for sure!

"Someone get me some black ink, stat!" The head artist yelled, trying to keep calm.

Nera Vous nodded and ran on other to the supply rack. After flinging ink everywhere, she broke down sobbing.

"We're out of black! We're doomed!" Nera Vous wailed, clutching her knees as she sank to the floor.

"Calm down people!" Mr. Bigshot ordered, "We'll just use brown!"

Nera Vous wailed even harder as she held up the smashed brown ink pot. Even Artist Z looked like she might cry, and she never cried.

"What colors do we have left?" Mr. Bigshot asked.

"Blue….and….and….yellow!" Nera Vous screeched, hitting the ground with her itty bitty fists.

"Use them! Call it Super Saiyan!" Mr. Bigshot commanded. "Make sure it's done by the time I come back!"

And so, Super Saiyans were born.


	5. Opposite Day

**OPPOSITE DAY**

"Mommy! It's opposite day!" Goten said, tugging on ChiChi's skirt.

ChiChi sighed as she propped open the door with her heel, somehow carrying the gigantic pile of laundry. Ever since Goku had been wished back to life, it felt like all of her housework had doubled. Instead of taking care of one child, she had to take care of two. She could always bribe Gohan into helping with the work load, but he had been so distracted lately. _It's probably something to do with that Videl girl..._

"Mommy! Aren't you listening?" Goten repeated impatiently. "It's opposite day!"

ChiChi gave her youngest a glance before smiling at him. Goten looked so much like Goku. He was practically the spitting image of him, especially whenever he dawned puppy dogs eyes on his adorable little face. ChiChi set down the basket and bent down so she was at eye level with her little boy.

"I'm sorry Goten," she said. "Can you tell me that again?"

Goten nodded eagerly at her, "Its opposite day! I'm gonna be big brother!"

ChiChi ruffled Goten's hair playfully. "Why don't you go play outside? Gohan won't be home from school for a while," she explained.

"Okay! I'm gonna go catch a fish as big as daddy!" Goten said before running off, leaving the front door swinging on its hinges from his speed.

ChiChi softly closed the door behind her and grabbed the basket. She remembered her childhood: chasing after Goku, dreaming about Goku, obsessing over Goku, stalking Goku. _Ah, good times,_ she thought warmly, smiling a bit.

"Honey, can you come help me?" Goku called with a sick sounding voice.

 _He better not have a cold!_ ChiChi thought. The last time he was sick, it nearly cost him his life. There was no way that ChiChi was going to let him spend any more time in otherworld. Wasn't seven years enough?

"What is it, Goku?" ChiChi asked as she entered the kitchen. "You better have no eaten all of the cookie dough….again!"

Goku turned towards ChiChi and pushed one of his bangs out of his face. Somehow, he had managed to pull his crazy mane back into a strict bun. He had taken one of her dresses and had forced it on his body, pulling it apart at the seams. But the oddest thing was that he was wearing some of Goten's Halloween makeup, making him look like a china doll…or perhaps Chaotzu.

"I need you to grab that there water bottle," Goku said, pointing at the bottle sitting on the top shelf. "Only someone as strong and brave as you could do it!"

Goku fluttered his eyelashes.

"Are you okay?" Chi Chi asked, frowning worriedly. "Do you have a temperature?"

Goku waved his hand dismissively at her, his _manicured_ hand at that. He then smiled at her, revealing minty white teeth.

"I'm feeling perfectly fine," Goku said. "Though you seem to be behaving oddly, Goku. You _are_ the one wearing my clothes!"

 _"Mommy! It's opposite day!"_ Goten had told her he was going to be Gohan. Was Goku being…..her?

"You better not go training," Goku warned, waving a spoon at her. "Last time you and Vegeta got blood on my clean floor!"

 _Oh my Kami,_ she thought. _M_ _y husband thinks this is how I behave! Do I really act like that, sweet one moment and vile the next? Are my clothes that….horrid? Do I really threaten them on a daily basis?_

"Now that you mention it, I think I'll go lie down," Chi Chi said softly. "It's been an enlightening day,"

"You better not get sick on me, Son Goku! Not even Cell would be able to stop me!" Goku threatened, crossed for some odd reason.

"Right," she said uncertainly.

Oh, how she hated opposite day.


	6. Mrs Hatechildren:King Kai's Test SpinOff

_In King Kai's Test, Mrs. Irene Hatechildren is mentioned as being a teacher to some of the Z fighters. This oneshot is all about this now famous teacher..._

* * *

 **MRS. IRENE HATECHILDREN AKA MRS. I REALLY HATE CHILDREN**

Mrs. Irene Hatechildren was daydreaming about her favorite place in the world. Most would think the fact that she _had_ a favorite place would be the shocker. However, those who knew her as well as Anna Ying and Demi O'Chibi knew the true reason to be shocked by such an event. It was something no one expected could be possible. It was unfathomable.

Mrs. Irene Hatechildren could _dream._

The children had never thought that someone as vicious, mean, spiteful, rude, and ignorant as Mrs. Irene Hatechildren could dream. Surely, one of the Kais or Kamis up there would prevent this freak accident of nature. Alas, Dende was Kami in this time and he quite enjoyed these sort of things. Those poor, poor children. Exposed to the evil ways of Dende, they will be forever scarred.

But of course, Mrs. Irene Hatechildren was daydreaming about the staff lounge. She hadn't been the same since her man servant in training, Chaotzu, transferred to Mrs. Sunshine's class in Lollipop Elementary. She threw not only desks and students, but _classrooms_! Only Kami knew how she had done that….

….and Piccolo absorbed him, so no one would be solving that mystery any time soon.

The under stuffed couches, the voodoo dolls of troublemakers, the half empty coffee pots, and the worn and well thumbed copies of _Teaching for Dummies_ made it a teacher's paradise. What better place to relax after yelling and potentially scarring your students to life than the teacher's lounge?

Mrs. Irene Hatechildren tried to be optimistic, key word being _tried_. Today would be different, today would be better. Today her endless torture of teaching children would lessen. The kids were doing their oral reports today. All Mrs. Irene Hatechildren had to do was give her victims an unnerving stare and write 'F' on their paper, if she was feeling nice she might write 'F+'. But Mrs. Irene Hatechildren had never once been in a very well mannered mood.

Those poor, poor children: may Yemma have mercy on their souls.

Mrs. Irene Hatechildren picked up her clipboard of doom and her grading pen of injustice that Mr. Despiseyoungsters had given her for Christmas. Apparently, they came in several different colors: black, red, green, pink, and purple. She had given Mr. Dislikekids one for his birthday. It was green.

"Anna Ying, you're up," Mrs. Irene Hatechildren called out, dooming poor little Anna Ying to her fate.

"My report is on Mr. Satan," Anna Ying announced.

"F!" Mrs. Hatechildren called out.

Anna Ying protested, "But-"

"Butts are for sitting on, now go sit on yours!" Mrs. Hatechildren chucked a rock solid Chibi Gohan doll at Anna. "OR ELSE!"

Anna Ying quietly walked over to her seat, that she lovingly called _The Cage_. It was gray, had a rusting old tin can, slash marks on the ground, and ki proof silver bars. As soon as Anna crawled inside, the chain attached to her cage retracted, hanging her from the ceiling. Anna Ying pulled out her harmonica and began to play while Stew Pid threw spit wads at her.

"Cray Zee, your report," Mrs. Irene Hatechildren said.

An old, frayed rope was thrown into a large hole in the floor by Mrs. Hatechildren's desk. Out of the darkness climbed the pale, thin form of Cray Zee. He was starved from serving several lunch detentions with Mrs. Hatechildren. He was covered in feathers when Mrs. Hatechildren decided to demonstrate tarring and feathering. Of course, she used syrup instead of tar. She didn't want to get sued _again_. She couldn't afford beer for a month, after the lawyers collected their fees.

"My report is on Vegeta Briefs, one of the deadliest men in the world," Cray Zee whispered, his knee's trembling from the effort needed to speak.

Mrs. Irene Hatechildren was not happy; she hated being reminded that someone could scare children better than she could. She had worked long and hard to get that level of fear from her students, guaranteeing them to be scarred emotionally for life. Just like Scipio of Rome learned from Hannibal of Carthage, Mrs. Hatechildren of school was learning from Vegeta Briefs of capsule corp.

"F," Mrs. Hatechildren started but then Vegeta's face loomed over her in the darkness. Laughing at her inability to strike fear as well as he did, even his son could scare people better then she could. Mrs. Hatechildren considered going back to scare school, and getting a new die-ploma.

Yes, that's what she would do.

"Class dismissed," Mrs. Hatechildren yelled as she hit the big red button marked _RELEASE MONGRELS._ The class cheered and ran out the door as Mrs. Hatechildren picked up her phone and dialed 55-SCARE.

"State your displeasure," A gruff voice on the other line said.

"Ah, yes," Mrs. Hatechildren said, "This is Irene Hatechildren….."


	7. The Bakas Guide to Gohan and Videl!

_A very short parody, listing every possible trope in a Gohan and Videl._

* * *

 **THE BAKA'S GUIDE TO GOHAN AND VIDEL**

Dende sighs, staring at the sky with boredom. There's nothing for him to do! Watching over Earth could be such a chore, and there's only so much he can do to try to keep people from killing each other. However, he glanced over, seeing the colorful spinning wheel he had recently gotten. He snaps his fingers and a variety of options appear.

"Better get ready, Gohan!" he giggles, throwing a dart at the now spinning wheel.

It ends up hitting his favorite option of all: survival camp with a monkey tail reappearance!

He claps his hands together, wondering exactly when to do it, when the thought hits him...

It should happen tomorrow, at the anniversary of the Cell Games! When everyone is gathered in the gym for the tape, that's when they'll announce it! He'll be whisked away and then be forced to try to protect his identity!

And why not have Mirai Trunks come back for a day? Heck, Goku could come back as well!

Dende snickered, rubbing his hands together. This, this was going to be great.

* * *

Gohan Son sat in the back of the class room as usual, Erasa going on and on about he should take her to the Prom, Sharpner shooting spit wads at the back of his head and somehow hitting the teacher, and Videl glaring at him with her icy blue eyes. Yes, this was an ordinary day for our beloved Demi Saiyan but someone named Dende decided to change this up a little bit.

" _Attention students,"_ the intercom blared. " _As you hopefully know tomorrow is the seven year anniversary of the Cell Games or as we like to call it, Hercule Satan day! Since miss Videl Satan attends our school, Hecule Satan himself will be coming to not only give a speech!"_ the speaker paused dramatically. _"But to give us the privilege of being some of the first people to see the real Cell Games tape! How great is that?"_

Gohan's head hit the desk at this news, was he bored? Did Sharpner finally succeed in hitting him with a spit wad? Or does he have a vague feeling that he will be exposed as the person who beat Cell?

Videl Satan smirked as she saw this; she too knew that something important would happen tomorrow. On her hit list of secret keepers she could finally check of Gohan Son and hopefully, Saiyaman.

Wearily, Gohan waited for his life to somehow get any worse than this. And then, almost like magic, another announcement aired on the intercom.

" _And after his speech, we will have our class trip to Capsule Corp for a survival camp! Isn't that great, kids?!"_

Gohan groaned—apparently things could get worse.

"No, Gohan Son, I will not let you stay home today!" Chi Chi screamed like bloody murder, waving her frying pan around and almost hitting poor little Goten on the head.

Not that she would care, all she cared about was…..GRANDBABIES!

"But Mom! If I went to the survival camp I would inevitably be throw off a cliff, caught in a snowstorm with only a t shirt on, taken hostage by kidnappers, or any combination of those three! You know I wouldn't wait patiently to save my secret and instead would reveal my powers which could get me kicked out of school!" Gohan pointed out.

"You better not get kicked out of school! And make sure that I can be expecting Grandchildren when you get back!" Chi Chi threatened.

"Yes Ma'am," Gohan promised.

There would be no escape. His fate was only more certain—Videl would know who he really was by the end of the day, either by the camp or the tapes. It was inevitable.

* * *

"Welcome to Capsule Corporation, we have partnered you up so that on this trip you can meet some new people! The room assignments are posted on the wall behind me," Bulma gushed.

LEVEL SIX ROOM ASSIGNMENTS

 _Room 6A: Erasa Rubber and Sharpner Pencil_

 _Room 6B: Videl Satan and Gohan Son_

 _Room 6C: Lime Kiwi and Mirai Trunks Briefs_

 _Room 6D: Jackie San and San Jackie_

When Videl read the board she was not bothered by the fact that she had to share a room with a teenage boy while other girls might be worried that they would have perverted thoughts. Oh no, this raven-haired girl was on a mission:

Operation Who are you Gohan Son?

It would be the perfect chance—he had been panicking the entire time that morning during the Cell Games tapes, and she could have sworn she heard one of the freaks call out his name.

Perhaps, Gohan fought in the Cell Games?

* * *

"Gohan!" Videl blushes, as she pulls the mask off of Saiyaman. The burning building of Capsule Corp is forgotten as she stares into his eyes. For his part, a blush spreads across his face and he grins dorkily, rubbing his head.

"Yeah, it's me..." he replies. "Please don't tell anyone!"

A blush spreads across Videl's face, as she angrily punches him. "You could have been killed! You had no right to save me!"

Completely lost in confusion, Gohan stares back at her. Something deep inside him started to burn and before he knew it, he had swooped forward, pulling her into a romantic kiss. The building fell apart around them, but his ki shielding the couple from all harm-they were safe, together. Everything felt so right, and the monster within him was sated.

He had found his mate.

* * *

Only his mate had just dropped into a dead faint—good thing her father had come on the trip with them!

"Hercule!" a young man yells.

 _POUND POUND POUND!_

"Hercule! It's Videl, she needs medical attention!" the man yells after pounding on the door.

The Great Hercule Satan rushed to the door and yanked it off its hinges. True to his words, Videl did need medical attention. She was pale and was covered by the young man's shirt to protect her from the rain. Hercule hurried him inside and called for the nurse, who surprisingly knew just what to do, and had her sleeping peacefully in a matter of minutes.

"You really care for my little girl, don't you Gohan?" Hercule asked.

"With my life, sir," Gohan said respectfully.

"You know something Gohan?" Hercule questioned, laying his head in his hands.

"What, sir?" Gohan responded, ever so politely.

"Ever since the Cell Game's I've been caught up in the spotlight, I wasn't even here on her birthday!" Hercule sobbed, "I hadn't payed attention to her, HFIL, I don't even know the name of her school!"

Gohan consolingly rubbed the martial artist's back in an effort to take some of the pain and grief away.

"I bet you could take care of her the way I could not. I saw the way she looked at you, she looks happy," Hercule paused, "As a parent I need to make her happy and I think I know how."

Hercule sat up and looked Gohan straight in the eyes; somehow he seemed to be reading his very soul.

"I give my permission."


	8. The Twelve Days of Hunting

**THE TWELVE DAYS OF HUNTING**

On the first day of hunting, my radar led me to

A man with Lady Gaga hair

On the second day of hunting, my radar led me to

Two Saiyan threats

And a man with Lady Gaga hair

On the third day of hunting, my radar led me to

Three survivors

Two Saiyan threats

And a man with Lady Gaga hair

On the fourth day of hunting, my radar led me to

Four new students

Three survivors

Two Saiyan threats

And a man with Lady Gaga hair

On the fifth day of hunting, my radar led me to

Five under Frieza

Four new students

Three survivors

Two Saiyan threats

And a man with Lady Gaga hair

On the sixth day of hunting, my radar led me to

Six brand new scouters

Five under Frieza

Four new students

Three survivors

Two Saiyan threats

And a man with Lady Gaga hair

On the seventh day of hunting, my radar led me to

Seven Dragonballs buried

Six brand new scouters

Five under Frieza

Four new students

Three survivors

Two Saiyan threats

And a man with Lady Gaga hair

On the eighth day of hunting, my radar led me to

Eight beaten soldiers

Seven Dragonballs buried

Six brand new scouters

Five under Frieza

Four new students

Three survivors

Two Saiyan threats

And a man with Lady Gaga hair

On the ninth day of hunting, my radar led me to

Nine minutes fighting

Eight beaten soldiers

Seven Dragonballs buried

Six brand new scouters

Five under Frieza

Four new students

Three survivors

Two Saiyan threats

And a man with Lady Gaga hair

On the tenth day of hunting, my radar led me to

Ten or more Namekians

Nine minutes fighting

Eight beaten soldiers

Seven Dragonballs buried

Six brand new scouters

Five under Frieza

Four new students

Three survivors

Two Saiyan threats

And a man with Lady Gaga Hair

On the eleventh day of hunting, my radar led me to

Eleven waiting for Goku

Ten or more Namekians

Nine minutes fighting

Eight beaten soldiers

Seven Dragonballs buried

Six brand new scouters

Five under Frieza

Four new students

Three survivors

Two Saiyan threats

And a man with Lady Gaga hair

On the twelfth day of hunting, my radar led me to

Twelve year old Gohan

Eleven waiting for Goku

Ten or more Namekians

Nine minutes fighting

Eight beaten soldiers

Seven Dragonballs buried

Six brand new scouters

Five under Frieza

Four new students

Three survivors

Two Saiyan threats

And a man with Lady Gaga hair


	9. King Kai's Test: the Sequel

**PART ONE: THE DEMONIC CHIBIS OF PHOBOS AND DEIMOS**

Yamcha the Bandit was hanging out at his bachelor pad. In the past, it was covered with posters featuring the words he used to describe himself. Ever since King Kai laughed at him, he payed several middle school students ten thousand zeni each in exchange for coming up with new words with the same meanings.

 _Chaste, Responsible, Intelligent, Gallant, Courteous, Courageous, Sincere, Genuine…._

Rachel, Emily, and Carlos were three happy kids. Last Yamcha had heard of them, they were on a cruise to the Caribbean. They could be swimming on dolphins, flying on zip lines, or trying to get the sun to set. It didn't matter as long as Yamcha had his words. His new words decorated the walls, which Yamcha had proudly painted them a sparkly yellow to perk him up. He hadn't been the same since Bulma left him.

His heart may never be the same again.

He had hung baseballs, medals, awards, and bats on the walls but they didn't compare to what he _didn't_ hang. Yamcha ran over to what looked like an ordinary fridge full of canned vegetables. Oh yes, Yamcha had _purposely_ stored his fridge with nothing but vegetables since he heard from Goten that Vegeta came from planet Vegetable. Now whenever Yamcha ate, he imagined himself eating the Saiyans.

What a satisfactory breakfast that was for the Desert Bandit!

To the right of the fridge and up a bit, there was an odd hole. If someone pressed their nose to it then a scanner would pop up, ensuring that said person was not Launch. It would then slide the fridge up, revealing the secret entrance to the Yamcha Cave.

Yamcha had bought the cave off of the producers of Batman. Or perhaps it was Robin or Superman-he really couldn't recall. Yamcha's cave was equipped to withstand the strongest of super villains. Yamcha figured that if any cave would be Vegeta proof, this would be the cave.

If he only knew how wrong he was.

Yamcha dashed over to the nearest oak cupboard and opened up. Instead of his photo shopped pictures of him and Bulma getting married, having Trunks, and tons of other mushy goodness; there was a single note.

 _Yamcha,_

 _If you ever want to see your precious pictures again, you have two options._

 _Do nothing and let these pictures fall into Vegeta's hands_

 _Meet us in the middle of the woods. The one near the nuclear testing plant._

 _Phobos and Deimos_

The desert bandit nearly wet his pants when he read that some freaks named Phobos and Deimos had stolen his pictures. He really _did_ wet his pants when he found out that they planned to give them to Vegeta. Rushing out the door of his cave, he ran into the closet.

After all, wearing clean pants is a prerequisite to any meeting.

* * *

"Phobos? Deimos?" Yamcha called out, standing alone in the middle of the forest.

Using his not so keen human ears, Yamcha was able to hear some hushed whispering.

"I thought _I_ was Deimos!" a young voice complained.

"No! You're Phobos! I'm Deimos!" a slightly older voice protested.

"Okay, Trunks!" the first voice whined, relenting a bit.

"Gee, Goten. You just blew our cover!" Trunks snapped.

"Sorry Trunks," Goten apologized.

Yamcha waded through the thicket until he saw the two chibis with a manilla envelope in their hands.

"Hey! Kids, can I have my pictures back?" Yamcha asked nervously, knowing all too well that they could beat him up with their eyes closed. Vegeta did remember to remind him of that fact every day. He would probably even announce it on Yamcha's wedding day, if he could.

"We might give them back to you if you do something," Trunks offered with a devilish smirk on his face. His father would be so proud.

"So, what do I have to do?" Yamcha asked the demonic chibis.

Smirking at each other, Trunks and Goten recalled the horror story Tien had told the adults when they thought the chibis weren't around. How wrong they were, the chibis were _always_ listening. They had memorized each description word for word, there was no way they could mess this up. It just wasn't possible.

Trunks jerked his head and Goten ran like Trunks was his prince. In this case, Trunks really _was_ Goten's prince. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was that the job was done. It had taken them forever to design and build it per Tien's instructions, and they wouldn't let it go to waste.

Goten returned carrying a spherical object with ease between his pinky finger and thumb. When Yamcha saw the object, he knew exactly what it was. No one couldn forget the very thing that knocked them unconscious time and time again.

 _The Wheel_ was back.

* * *

 **PART TWO: THE CHIBIS WHO SAY…..NI!**

It was no secret to Goten and Chibi Trunks that Yamcha had wet himself, thanks to their superior Saiyan senses. While Vegeta had trained Trunks to not dwell on bad stenches in battle, Gohan had neglected to teach Goten that skill. So the young black haired chibi fell to the ground, clutching his nose in agony. Not knowing who he was more disgusted with, Trunks spun _The Wheel_ and threw a beanie baby at it. The beanie baby bounced off of _The Wheel_ and did four cartwheels in the air….

…and flew right into Yamcha's neck, knocking him unconscious.

Chibi Trunks shook his head at the fallen warriors. While Goten's cause was understandable, it was still pathetic. But nothing could be as pathetic as Yamcha being knocked out by a Beanie Baby, a pink one at that. Trunks reached into his back pocket and took out a plain white capsule. He clicked the top and tossed it into the nearest open space. Upon inhaling the smoke, he discovered that it was one of the new scented capsules. It smelled like root beer.

 _Ah, root beer_. Just like the kind his dad would throw at him during their birthday training sessions. The same root beer that was supposed to be served at a Capsule Corporation Banquet. His mom had blown a gasket when she found out. Pushing his idle thoughts away, Trunks grabbed the huge black bag that appeared from the smoke. He easily placed Yamcha's unconscious body inside, and then contemplated what to do with Goten. Should he leave him and face the wrath of ChiChi for mistreating her son, or should he put Goten in the bag with Yamcha?

Chibi Trunks smirked and put Goten in the bag with Yamcha since it would be punishment enough to wake up with a _soiled_ desert bandit. Trunks swung the bag over his shoulder and skipped away from the clearing.

This Chibi was on a mission.

* * *

"You need my expertise?" A hooded figure asked, inhaling her cigarette.

The much shorter hooded figure somehow made an eager nod look dignified. Only Dende knows how he did it….

The taller hooded figure tilted her head as if amused with the other person's proposition.

"Why should I?" The taller figure rasped.

The smaller figure suddenly seemed sinister. "I know ways to make people talk," the figure bragged.

The taller figure shook her head, "I'd like to see you try. Did you figure who I am, boy?"

"Of course not, Irene," The smaller figure answered, "This is your last warning, use it wisely,"

Irene laughed at this, "Do it then."

The smaller figure deeply inhaled like it was using an inhaler and uttered the single word that Goku feared even more than needles and the dark combined. The very word that inspired Canada; the only word that could bench press more than Chuck Norris and live to tell the tale. The single word that would drive you insane upon hearing; the single word that won the American Revolution….

"NI!" the figure shouted.

* * *

A small little boy with brown hair walked up to the counter. He smiled sweetly with his sky blue eyes at the big African American lady in white. No one could resist eyes of this caliber of cuteness. Not even Frieza and King Cold would be able to resist that level of adorability! The normally cold hearted secretary smiled for the first time since she was ten at the young boy, she looked 40 years younger already!

"How can I help you, sweetie?" The secretary asked the little boy.

"I'm here to visit my Auntie Launch," he replied sincerely.

"Did you say Launch, honey?" She asked, appalled at why anyone would want to visit the freakiest of the freaks.

"Yes, ma'am!" the boy replied eagerly.

The secretary paused, but one look into those precious blue eyes stopped her in her tracks, "Of course you can, sweetie. Your Aunt Launch is on the top floor in room 190. You can't miss it."

The little boy nodded in understanding and raced off to the stairs instead of the elevator like the secretary had expected. Then he hovered a few feet in the air and flew up the stairs. The secretary just blinked.

"Maybe I need to see a doctor," She murmured to herself before returning back to her duties.

* * *

"SHENRONG; ARISE AND GRANT MY WISHES!" A small cloak wearing figure shouted, extending his pale arms over the seven wish granting orbs.

Out of the orange orbs came the head of the dragon Shenrong. After waiting about half an hour for the rest of Shenrong to come out, the robed figure came to the conclusion that the eternal dragon was stuck. Rolling up his long drooping sleeves; the small figure pulled on the tops of Shenrong's ears.

"OW! OW! OW! OW!" Shenrong bellowed as he was pulled the rest of the way out of the dragon balls.

When the dragon was pulled the rest of the way out of his prison, he was not a very happy camper. First, he was woken from his slumber without a 'Good morning' or an appointment! Second, he was watching the season finale of _House of Anubis_ and wasn't happy with the outcome. Third, he was pulled out without any pain medication! Humans these days…..

"Oy! Shenrong!" The figure cried.

"WHAT! I'M NOT IN A VERY GOOD MOOD!" Shenrong snapped.

The figure tilted his head to the side in confusion. He must have thought that Shenrong liked being called on every year. Honestly, what do they teach kids today in schools? Math? How is that useful when summoning an eternal dragon?

"Why?" the figure asked.

"I'D PREFER TO BE ADDRESSED AS 'YOUR GREATNESS'" Shenrong said snobbishly.

The figure sighed, no one told him that the eternal dragon was a stuck up brat. Sure, they had said _he_ was a brat several times, but no one told him Shenrong was one.

"Why, your greatness?" the figure asked once more.

"MY HEAD IS KILLING ME! YOU TRY BEING PULLED OUT OF MAGIC BALLS BY SOME BRAT WHO JUST WANTS TO WISH FOR CHOCOLATE AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!" Shenrong complained.

"Oh," the figure reached into his cloak pocket and tossed something to Shenrong. "It's pain reliever."

The dragon was touched by the kindness of this stranger, completely forgetting that he was the reason he was upset in the first place. Shenrong swallowed the pill and immediately felt better; he felt so good that he could grant 100 wishes! Of course, he would never tell them that he really _didn't_ have a limit. He just had to reach his dragon quota for each summoning and collect his checks in the mail.

"THANK YOU, SPEAK YOUR WISH NOW," Shenrong ordered

"I wish…"

* * *

 **PART THREE: THE CHIBIS ARE COMING! THE CHIBIS ARE COMING!**

The little boy grabbed his brown hair in what seemed frustration and then literally pulled his hair out. The brown wig desperately clung to his skull with all of its might, but alas its efforts were in vain. Using his super human strength, the little boy finally succeeded in ripping the wig off of his head. Purple hair, sky blue eyes, and a smirk disturbingly like Vegeta's: there was only was person this could be.

It was Chibi Trunks.

Hearing a noise only he could hear, which was never a good sign, Trunks lowered into his fighting stance. Disregarding his ability to sense and pinpoint ki, Trunks scanned the surrounding area for the culprit. He could name a dozen of people who weren't exactly happy with him at the moment, which kept the young half saiyan on his toes. Trunks then mentally pulled out his 'list' of suspects;

 _PEOPLE WHO WANT REVENGE ON TRUNKS (THAT AREN'T IN THE BAG)_

 _Dad: Painted the Gravity Room Pink and stole all his clothes besides the Badman Shirt_

 _Mom: Took the time machine on a joy ride to visit Mirai Trunks….and beat up Frieza_

 _Gohan: Blackmailed him with photos of his bad hair cut_

 _Mr. Popo: Wrecked the lookout. Got Dende hooked on Pokémon, causing Dende to neglect his duties._

 _Chi Chi: Existing, breathing, living._

 _Piccolo: Wrecked the lookout. Got Dende hooked on Pokémon, causing Dende to neglect his duties. Thought he was Cell when on a sugar high…._

It was probably Mr. Popo. If he wasn't watering plants or singing, then he was spying on earth with Dende. They were the two biggest 'peeping toms' and people loved them for it! _Full humans are weird,_ Trunks thought. Even weirder than Master Roshi on a sugar high, and most people thought that was impossible. That's why Trunks is very thankful that he is half saiyan, otherwise…

He didn't like to think about that.

Out of the brush, came a tall silhouette. It carried itself like it was marching off into battle or a stick was tied to its back. The person wore a purple gee with blue wristbands, a white cape, and a white turban. With the green skin, no one could identify the person as anything other than a Namekian.

It was Piccolo. No, not the _instrument._ It was Piccolo the Namekian.

Cape whipping in the wind that seemed to follow him wherever he went, Piccolo walked straight up to Chibi Trunks. Without even needing to speak, Trunks knew exactly what he wanted. Or so he thought,

"I won't have the dolls till next week," Trunks said.

Piccolo's eyes bugged out of his head, grew legs, and ran away from the clearing. Smart eyes: they were scared of Chibi Trunks. Most people would end up being blind if their eyes did that, but Piccolo was no ordinary person. Piccolo shrugged and put his hand on his forehead, two little white balls could be seen growing larger and larger until they looked exactly like Piccolo's old eyeballs.

"You know, the three cabbage patch dolls," Trunks elaborated.

"I'm not here to talk about stupid dolls!" Piccolo raged, his skin turning blue in rage.

Trunks began to protest, "But you said if I got you some you'd pay me-"

"I told you to forget about the dolls!" Piccolo yelled, attempting to swear but failing. "Hey why can't I... swear?"

"My mom used the dragon balls a while ago to censor people's words around me until I'm eighteen years old. She doesn't want me to learn how to swear," Trunks explained, "I don't know why though. It's just Japanese."

Piccolo nodded in understanding, the chibis were a nightmare without knowing how to swear. Imagine what they would be like when they _did_ know how too. Goten might be all right but Trunks is Vegeta's son. He'll probably be swearing in all sorts of languages….

Even Namekian….

"Speaking of the dragon balls," Piccolo started. "Why did you summon Shenrong?"

Trunks looked at his feet in shame. He had been caught. Chibi Trunks had tried to be careful. He had worn cloaks, wigs, and met in dark alleys all to avoid being caught. All of his hard work was about to go down the drain.

Chibi Trunks sighed. "I was hungry so I wished for some cookies," he admitted.

Piccolo's eyes nearly bugged out of his head this time but the Namekian stopped them just in time. He didn't want to have to regenerate them again and again and again and again…..

"You gathered all seven Dragonballs so you could wish for cookies!" Piccolo shouted. "Your mother is the richest woman on the planet! You could just buy some cookies! The guardian of earth is your babysitter!"

"Only week nights," Chibi Trunks muttered, his cheeks making it clear that he was embarrassed.

To him, it was absurd that Dende had to babysit him while he clearly wasn't a baby! He was an eight year old Chibi, his father was Prince Vegeta of the Saiyans. And his mother thought he couldn't be left alone without blowing up the house….

Maybe she was right, Trunks realized….He _did_ like blowing things up.

"Fine," Piccolo said. "But you are going to tell me what your latest prank is."

"How'd you find out?" Trunks asked, clearly forgetting that Piccolo had seen him summon the Dragon and could have seen his 'errands'.

"You are always up to something, kid," Piccolo answered with a slight smirk.

Trunks grinned up at Piccolo, sensing that he just wanted to know how to avoid being one of the victims. Chibi Trunks was fine with that. Piccolo being amused was a lot more fun than Piccolo being angry.

If only Trunks realized that about certain other people.

"Remember the last reunion?" Trunks asked.

"Yes…." Piccolo responded uncertainly, not knowing where Trunks was going with this.

"Well, Goten and I overheard Tien telling a certain story," Trunks said.

Piccolo's eyes widened, he recalled that story perfectly. It was frightening how good his memory was at times.

"What story?" Piccolo asked, hoping it wasn't the one he was thinking of.

And if it was, long since healed wounds were about to be ripped open.

* * *

 **PART FOUR: THE CHIBI'S STRIKE BACK**

"Are you sure this is going to work, kid?" Piccolo asked as he moved the last item into place.

"Of course I'm sure!" Trunks snapped.

Trunks was not very happy. It had seemed like whatever could go wrong, went wrong. First, Mrs. Hatechildren was a no-show and he had to get Chaotzu all by himself! Then, Launch went blonde and forgot all about her mission and went off to fight crime. How cliché is that? In Trunks opinion, there were already enough people fighting crime. So what if they had barely any ki? That wasn't his problem!

"Mmmph...Mhhmmm!" Chaotzu tried to say, struggling against his gag.

"You won't get away with this!" Tien yelled heroically. "Never!"

Chibi Trunks was surprised that Tien had managed to get the duck tape off of his mouth. Even he had to go Super Saiyan to get it off every now and then. He'd have to ask Tien his secret later. Right now he had to finish his master prank, the very prank that would make his father so proud he might take him to the park!

"Shut Up!" Trunks yelled at Tien. "I don't have any patience for you, Three Eyes!"

Trunks inspected the area. Everything seemed to be exactly as he wanted it to be. Nodding at Piccolo, they let Goten and Yamcha out of the sack, and freed Tien and Chaotzu from their bonds.

"You're letting us go, just like that?" Chaotzu asked in his tiny, high pitched voice.

"If you can find your way out," Trunks said with a grin, as he, Piccolo, and Goten flew off. "Have Fun!"

Yamcha watched Piccolo and Trunks fly away before turning to face his two companions. But something was wrong with them. Something very peculiar, it was like they saw Frieza tap dancing on Broadway. Or Ginyu running for President of the United States. Or maybe they saw a giant Spirit bomb, waiting to crush them.

How wrong he was.

All around them, never leaving a single spot for escape, was the thing they feared the most. The thing that gave them nightmares and had them seeing a therapist three times a week. It was the very thing that Yamcha blamed his break up with Bulma for.

There, in all its glory, stood hundreds or maybe thousands of perfect copies of _The Wheel._ They each had the same sickening pink handle, the same crude drawings that haunted them to this day. Yamcha fell to the ground and began to moan in unison with Chaotzu's sobs.

Their dreams were right. They were never safe from _The Wheel._ No matter how hard they ran or how far away they were, it was always right behind them. In this case, though, it was all around them. They were helpless to the evil, fluffy power of _The Wheel._

"How?" Yamcha moaned. "What have we done to deserve this?"

"I WANT MY MOMMY!" Tien wailed, curling into a ball as he rocked himself back and forth.

That's when something caught Yamcha's eye; something shinny, something beautiful. His first guess was that maybe one of his pictures of Bulma had found its way into this Gauntlet of Evil. Only Dende knew how much he needed it right about now-he needed something bright and hopeful to focus on in this dark time. So he began to army crawl his way forward, shocking Tien temporarily out of his sobbing.

"Don't do it Yamcha! It's too dangerous!" He warned, as if they were in the middle of a war.

Yamcha turned and smiled at his friend, "I know. If I don't make it, I want you tell Puar something for me."

"I'll risk my life if I have too," Tien solemnly promised.

"Good. Tell her this," Yamcha said. "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and yet today is present. That's why I don't believe in Santa Claus."

"That's deep, man," Tien commented, looking slightly confused yet not wanting to question it. "I'll make sure I'll tell her."

So the brave desert bandit continued his army crawl towards the center of the circle of _The Wheels_. When he reached the middle, an odd mist kicked up near his feat. Looking into the middle; he saw the one and only….

King Kai.

"YAMCHA THE BANDIT! TO LEAVE THIS PLACE, YOU MUST DO THE HARDEST OF ALL TASKS!" King Kai boomed.

Yamcha was scared witless, completely forgetting that he knew what this task would be. "I'll do anything!" he promised.

"YOU MUST TELL ME A FUNNY JOKE, LET IT BE WITTY, AND TICKLE MY DEAD FUNNY BONE!" King Kai ordered.

"Oh yes, your greatness! It will be the funniest joke you have ever seen!" Yamcha whimpered.

"THEN AMUSE ME, PUNY DESERT BANDIT!" King Kai bellowed, oddly enough only Yamcha seemed to hear his voice.

Yamcha racked his brain for the best joke he knew; sadly, only one thing happened.

He blacked out.

* * *

"Trunks," Goten called as he scrubbed the top of Capsule Corporation with a toothbrush.

"Yeah, Goten?" Trunks responded as he repainted the Gravity Room with an eye shadow brush, one brush stroke at a time.

Trunks was still pretty mad. If only Yamcha hadn't been such a crybaby, then his mother would not have found out what was going on. When she got there, the first thing she did was look for him and Goten. They didn't even get a trial! It was like they were the colonists, and the adults were the British! Where were their rights?

Trunks considered making a Declaration of Independence to show the adults they couldn't boss the chibis around. They would have to get Maron to cooperate so it wasn't laughed off as a joke. Now what would they call their new country… The United States of Trunks or maybe the UST…..He'd figure it out later…

"We are never and I mean NEVER doing that again!" Goten demanded as his face turned cherry red from rage.

Trunks shook his head and returned to his thoughts. The UST sounded pretty good to him. He'd have to ask Goten after Goten forgot all about this punishment.


End file.
